Sunday, May 28, 2006

I lost my dad

We went to the cemetery to put flowers on my daddy's grave. I took mom and Cassie. We did not go last year because of the rain. The cemetery is out in the boonies. My car sets low to the ground. Since high water and low cars do not mix we were unable to go put flowers on his grave.

Anyway we finally find the cemetery and I drive as close to the grave as possible so mom won't have to walk very far. I get out of the car to check the grave and it is NOT my dad's. So where he? Not like he could just move cause he did not like his neighbors.

I sent Cassie a couple of rows in front and she was able to locate his stone. Mom and Cassie gathered there by his grave marker while I moved the car closer. Mom was nervously pushing pebbles around with the tip of her cane. I knew she was "talking" to daddy in her head so I got Cassie and walk off so she could have some "alone" time with him.

Mom still believes she can have conversations with the dead. She has done this conversing since she was a kid back when she and her sisters would spend the whole day at the cemetery. She just *knows* the dead knows she is there talking to them. Mom really has a problem with Cassie and I not believing the dead person is there in the grave and that we can talk to them. sigh.

I know for fact I still carry daddy in my heart. I still miss him after all these years. I *wish* I could talk to him again. Tell him one more time I love him. I also know my daddy knew I loved him when he died. I was standing right by his bed when he took his last breath March 25, 1994 less than two months before I graduated from college....... I still miss him and his shenanigans.

Cassie promised to put flowers on my daddy's grave after I die. I think that is sweet cause I know she promised only to make my mom happy.

When we came back to town I took flowers out to Uncle J, Aunt Annie, Billy, Uncle Cordell and my beloved. I still miss all of them. And for some dumb reason I am crying as I type their names. I do not need as special day to remember them. I remember them often..........Usually with a smile instead of tears.

I am going to do better at posting to this blog. I need to practice my writing skills (or lack there of).

Here's to a beautiful tomorrow for all of us.


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